Month: February 2018

So, This is My Love Language

In my article “What Love Language Do You Speak“, I told you that my girlfriend and I both started the year off reading The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  It was our book for the month of January as we sought to understand each other better, and learn to speak each other’s love languages.

Before reading the book though, we both took the Love Language Profile for Couples online, individually.  The purpose was to try to figure out what our primary love languages were, even though we hadn’t read the book yet.

It came out that she had 3 primary love languages: Acts of Service, Physical Touch and Quality Time; scoring 7 in each of those, out of 12.

You can imagine how daunting that looked to me.  I mean, the main purpose here was to find out the one primary love language that we could focus on, and pay the most attention to, while speaking the rest every once in a while.  Now, it was looking like I had to focus on 3. Three out of five! Continue reading →

Posted by Akanna Okeke in Articles, Book Reviews, 1 comment

5 Tips to Help You Get Off Your Butt & Do Something Worthwhile

Everything worthwhile is uphill. We literally have to pull ourselves up to go to the gym, to read a book rather than watch TV, to stay away from swallowing eba before bedtime and even to go to work in the mornings.

I remember numerous occasions when I fell short.  When I had stayed away from late night snacking for a while and then one night, found myself raiding the fridge mercilessly.  When I had registered at the gym and then found myself justifying that the stress I go through at work every day is enough work-out.

The most amazing thing is that we know that the uphill tasks are way more beneficial to us than our downhill habits, at least in the long term.  We know that reading a good book is more beneficial than binge-watching all those episodes of The Crown (Why do those guys even release all the episodes at once?).  But we still give in to temptations; we still do what we know will hurt us in the long term.

Why is that?

Personally, I think there are two main reasons for this… Continue reading →

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6 Interesting Things You Should Know About Yourself

I have recently stepped up my work habit on getting to know more about myself; the things that drive me, the things within my control, and the things that I have in common with everyone else.  I believe it is important to do this because it will make you more strategic in life especially about your choices, decisions on how to lead yourself, and how to associate with others.

In my quest so far, I have come across these 6 interesting things that are common denominators of all human beings, in terms of our characteristics and general psychology.  I thought to share them with the hope that they will help you to become more strategic in life too! Continue reading →

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What Love Language Do You Speak?

At the weekend, I attended a birthday party of one of my friends’.  He was turning thirty the next day and, just so he wouldn’t suspect anything, his wife called up some of his closest friends to come together the night before and surprised him with a birthday dinner at a very fancy restaurant.

It was a great night. He loved it! Good food, good music, lots of laughter and interesting conversations.

At my end of the very long table, the conversation was particularly interesting. It was about using the line ‘I love you’.  It went from “is it okay for a guy to say it to his close friend – another guy?” to someone actually asking me how frequently I say the words ‘I love you’ to people. Continue reading →

Posted by Akanna Okeke in Articles, Book Reviews, 1 comment

5 Areas You Have To Get Right in Life

Today, I have a very important question to ask you: What are your values?  I don’t know if you’ve been asked this question before, and what your response was.  It was fairly recently that I understood what that question actually means.  It means: what are the most important things to you in life?

When people asked me such a question, I would always have different answers on different occasions, because I really didn’t know how to tell what the most important things to me were.  It depended on how I felt at the moment the question was asked.  But this shouldn’t be the case.  Our values should be unwavering.  They should never depend on something as undulating as our mood swings.  They should be steady and somewhat cast in stone.

So, I went on a journey of figuring out what my values actually were.  And I came to the conclusion that, just like everyone else, I had things that I held very dear to my heart and they could simply be identified as the things on which I spent the most of my: time, energy and (financial) resources.  I began to find out that I had silly values such as watching TV, surfing the internet idly, sleeping, and just being at my job.

This was very scary! I mean, so how much time did I spend on the important things in life? Very little –less than I did on the unimportant.

I re-prioritized and I came up with a new set of values; some of which I think everyone should actually have.  We should spend the most of our time, energy and resources on these five areas of life, in order to lead successful and fulfilling lives with as little regret as possible.

I call them the Five-Fs of life, and I list them, not necessarily in order of importance, but in the order in which we acquire them, right from birth until we are much older. Continue reading →

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3 Things You Are Responsible For in Life

As the good people in life that we are, we feel compelled to help people whenever we can.  But have we ever thought that helping others in certain circumstances could result in harming them?  There are certain things that we should do by ourselves, which other people should also allow us to do.

I still am not a good driver (I’m not even sure I can drive at all) because I have lots of friends and family that drive me around and continue to.  I feel so enabled that I am unmotivated to learn.  Sad truth!

From the book Boundaries, I learnt that there’s a difference between loads and burdens.  Loads are our personal responsibilities.  These are things that we should do by ourselves, for ourselves.  Each man should carry his own load and let no one else carry it for him.  Burdens on the other hand are extremely heavy loads that we cannot carry by ourselves.  We need the help of others to carry our burdens with us (not for us) because they are just too much for one person to bear.

Now, we should help people with their burdens and not with their loads.  Everyone has responsibilities that only he or she can carry, and no one should do certain things for us that only we should do for ourselves.  This means that we are responsible for ourselves, and responsible to others.  We are to take care of our own responsibilities and help others with their burdens, whenever we are able to.

So, what are our responsibilities in life? Continue reading →

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4 Steps to Personal Development

Unlike physical (external) growth, personal (internal) growth isn’t something that just happens to you like ‘by the way’.  Don’t get me wrong, I know you have to eat in order to grow physically but I’m pretty sure eating comes naturally to you.  You play a ‘passive’ role in your own physical growth and development.   It’s kind of a by-the-way thing.

Personal growth and development is a lot different.  For one, it is internal and so cannot be easily measured.  Secondly, unlike external growth where you reach a peak and stay there, there’s no peak in personal development.  It is a ‘forever’ thing. And the tricky part is that once you stop growing, you don’t just stay there, you actually start shrinking.  So, the intangible food needed for internal growth also has to be eaten everyday –forever!

Eating this ‘food’ doesn’t come naturally to us. It can be such a drag sometimes.  Because of this, we all need to have a plan for personal growth.  We need a recipe to follow to make that intangible food we so badly need for sustained personal growth and development.  We need steps to follow everyday to ensure that we are constantly on a personal growth path and that, while on that path, we are constantly moving forward and not back, because it’s not a flat road; it’s uphill and so there’s no possibility of even remaining stagnant.

Here are 4 steps to sustained personal growth and development.  They have been of immense help to me the past few years, and I hope they help you too –as you implement them, of course. Continue reading →

Posted by Akanna Okeke in Articles, 1 comment